Dating Chronicles # 7, the reason I double majored and hate the state of GA

The first time I met James was at my college orientation. My friend CD was friends with a soon to be a senior who just happened to have a party that weekend. So CD, Jes, and I decided to ditch out on all the orientation socials, and go to a real college party! James was the Dj, sitting in a dark corner of the room, playing some great tunes. I remember being introduced to him, but that is about it. I was more focused on being super drunk and dancing all over Jes.

The next several times I met James were all very similar...I was super drunk and dancing all over someone. Jes and I had broken up by this point. I'm not too sure when it happened, but I opened my eyes and there he was; James, this dark and handsome guy. He was quiet and mysterious, and I wanted to know all about him. So what do I do....focus all of my drunk attention on him.

Since I'm blessed with a nice booty, I used that to my advantage. Everyone knows that black men love the booty. We would go dancing, and I would put the moves on him...it makes me laugh just thinking about it. I remember this one night in particular...we went to some house party. It was our Thursday night place to be (until the house caught on fire, sad day). They had astronaut screwdrivers....to this day I'm not too sure what it actually was, but it was wonderfully delicious and got me nice and drunk! We were dancing, and all of a sudden, I thought to steal his hat...oh my...I put on a little show with that hat for sure. Next thing I know, is that we ditched our friends, and we were sitting on some nasty couch on the side of the house (yes it was outside). I was trying my best at getting him to kiss me, but it was not working. You would think that would be sign enough for me to back away, but no...I went at it even harder.

I don't know if this was still in the same night, or another night of drunken foolishness, but I remember going into the bathroom with CD, and the two of us plotting about how we were going to start making out with the boys at the same time. Yes, we actually did that, and yes, I finally got my first kiss from James.

Some where in all of this, I learned that James lived in my building. I would randomly run into him in the lobby and I always wondered what he was doing there. After several occurrences, I finally figured it out...this was going to work out to my advantage. How you may ask? Well, James was not always all about going out- he worked, he studied, and he was tired. When he didn't come out and play, I would surprise visit him after! The first time I called him and told him I was outside his door, he didn't understand why I would show up unannounced or uninvited...yeah he got used to that real quick.

So much in fact, that he started inviting me over (when sober). James and I would have awesome conversations...ok wait let me re-phrase that. James would talk...a lot; and I would listen intently. I loved listening to him talk; he was so wise for his age, so knowledgeable. I was extremely attracted to him, everything about him. His voice alone would have me creaming in my panties.

At some point, our talks would turn into us making out. I remember the first time I touched his d...holy crap! I was amazed at how wonderfully large it was compared to all the other ds I'd touched. I was in heaven...

At this point, I liked James, but I wasn't really looking for a relationship. It was the beginning of the school year, and I was a freshman...there was so many people to meet, and so much to do. I was looking for someone to distract me from Jes, and James did that really well. I was thinking that James would be a great friend with benefits. I was talking to and hanging out with other boys at this time. We were friends, and we made out, that was all.

Before I knew it, I was craving the sex. James was the only one that I felt close enough to want to have the sex with; and so I tired. James, however, had too many freaking rules. I had to be sober and I had to be 18. (I was so smart that I skipped preschool and went right to kindergarten; I've been a year younger then everyone else all along -really sucked when I was 20). I really only had a few weeks left, but it seemed like forever away.

Finally October 1, 2000 finally rolls around...I'm 18!!!! At this point, James and I had each others schedule down pretty well. We would get all of our stuff done, and I would go to his dorm around 10ish. He had a single and I lived in a triple. The first time that James and I had sex was amazing; I can still remember the way it felt, the way it made me feel, looking into his eyes, feeling him inside of me. He was so soft and gentle. He knew just what I wanted and when and how I wanted it. He was vocal too...it really surprised me, and made it so much better. Remember, I had only had 1 previous partner, James was well experienced.

I fell asleep in James' arms that night a confused girl. What I had just experienced with James was more then two friends hooking up; to me, it was two lovers expressing their love and devotion to each other. I didn't understand why James would go into his closet and shut the door to get dressed, or why he was getting dressed in the first place. Didn't people sleep naked after that? I thought that maybe he wanted me to leave, but when I asked he told me no...he just liked to be clean...I was confused more so internally- how could I sleep with a man I wasn't dating, what will this mean for our friendship, what does he think about me, did I suck? Does he think that we are more then friends now? Do I want to be more then friends with him?

The next morning, we woke up and James walked me to up to my dorm room. I thought it was the sweetest thing, and then he kissed me. I freaked out (not at him) internally all over again. I needed to talk to a best friend and pronto. I called KC the first words out of my mouth...umm...so guess what I did last night? Somehow, she knew exactly what I had done. We have had many of these conversations since. I gave her details and then asked what she thought. When I told her about how he walked me up to my room and then kissed me...her response was "oh shit he totally wants a relationship."

All day I walked around on a mixture of cloud 9 and doom...what had I done? The Catholic guilt was building inside of me. After a dazed day of class, I was walking in the quad towards my building. I saw James up ahead, walking towards me. I was excited and nervous and didn't really know what he was going to do. A hug, a kiss, maybe just a short little chat? I was dumbfounded, when all I got was a wave. He didn't even have the courtesy to stop and chat for a minute. I was crushed, and felt like a complete fool. The whole day I spent thinking about him, for what. He didn't care about me- all he wanted was to get laid. I went back to my dorm and cried myself to sleep. It was at that moment, that I realized how much I cared about James. How I did want a relationship with him, and how I couldn't just be friends with him.

To be continued...