Dating Chronicles # 7, part 3

With the meds, James also wrote me a letter, told me he loved me, and that he was sorry. With in a few weeks, we were back together. His excuse was that he drove home, got into a huge fight with his mother, and that he couldn't stay, so he went to his ex's house. I was a silly naive girl, who was in love, of course I would believe this story.

In January, James packed up and moved to Georgia. I was devastated, but we were going to make it work. We loved each other, and distance could not come between us. It was a difficult time for me, but I believed in our love and that is what kept me devoted to James. We would spend hours on the phone a day, emails, love letters, for 3 months that is all we had. I missed James so much, but I knew that I was supposed to be with him. Never once did I question his love or devotion to me.

In April, I made my first of many visits to Georgia to visit James. Lucky for me, Bloomington Airport had cheap non stop fights to Atlanta...thanks AirTran! I t was so wonderful to see him again; i felt full filled again, I was in pure bliss. I wanted to stay with him there forever, only, I knew that I needed to finish school. My parents didn't really know that I was dating, so they had no idea that I had jumped on a plan to go see him. My mother knew that we had dated, but when he moved, she just thought it would end.

When she did find out that we still were dating, I realized nothing but negativity from her. She would constantly threaten me- they would stop paying for my college, they would disown me...it wore on me. It still didn't matter to me, I was in love and nothing would change that.

For the next 2 years, James and I would go back and forth visiting each other. I stayed at school during the summers, so my parents wouldn't find out. Our relationship was difficult, but I loved him with all my heart and he was all that I wanted. There were so many days when just getting out of bed was too difficult.

My senior year of college have arrived. I still loved James, but it was getting much harder on us. I started drinking again and was making up for lost time. I got drunk at a few parties and made out with some boys...it never got past kissing, and I told James right away. I was lonely, I wanted to have someone around all the time, not just a fun filled weekend adventure. I was ready to really be with James. I asked him to move back; he asked about me telling my parents the truth about us. I still couldn't tell them.

We started to go on off/on again breaks through out the year. I dated other people in between, and told James about them. James told me that he went out, but that it wasn't with one particular person...I believed him.

We still saw each other, he would mostly come visit me though (RED FLAG) he never wanted me to visit him. Even when I was dating someone else, I still hung out with James, the other people didn't matter as much. I stilled loved James as much as I did before. The time line of when we were actually together have blurred, but even when we weren't, I still talked to him multiply times a day, still told him I loved him, and still wanted to be with him. I thought that he felt the same, at least his actions spoke that he did.

My graduation was approaching, I made it clear to James that he was not allowed to come because my family would be there. He was devastated. We fought about this all the time- throughout our whole relationship. He never understood why I wouldn't fight for him. In all honesty, I was just too afraid to stand up to my parents. I think that I was waiting on him to move back here, to prove to me that he really did love me.

After graduation, I moved back to my parent's house. My mother was all over my case about being with him. James and I fought alot during this time. It was hard for me to make visits to see him, because what would I tell my parents. He did come up a few times- I noticed that he was distant towards me (RED FLAG). I chalked it up to me all of our fighting. He also received phone calls from "some chick from work" (RED FLAG).

The "some chick from work" changed into his friend Olga from work. I, being naive and still in love, trusted him. When he told me that she was hanging out with his mother RED FLAG RED FLAG (who had moved to GA) I should of questioned it more. When she bought him extravagant presents....I should of known.

I officially called it quits in April of 05; I couldn't handle it anymore. I still loved him, but I couldn't handle the distance anymore. He wasn't moving here, and I wasn't moving there. I still talked to him on a daily basis and still expressed my love for him. We still sent each other gifts and cards. I always felt so special when he would send me flowers at the office.

In June, I started dating another guy seriously. I told James, and he told me he was going to come visit in July. I remember hanging out with James, we were in his hotel room, he had me up against the wall, telling me that he still wanted to be with me, that we could do it, that we should be together. I wanted him, but I knew that we'd end up in the same place. When he attempted to kiss me, I pushed him away.

That was the last time that I saw James for 3 years; If I would of known then, I probably would have kissed back. I was in a new relationship, and I thought that the new guy was really nice.

Eventually, are daily talking slowed; I had moved on. I was too busy, and frankly talking to him hurt, because I loved him so much. The new boyfriend also demanded that I stop talking to him.

I asked James several times if he was dating anyone, and he always told me no. I had a feeling that he was with Olga, but he would never admit it to me. I actually found out that he was with Olga through myspace; in 06- when he was moving to Texas with her. I was stunned and a little hurt, but at this point, I was already in even other relationship. It didn't matter to me. I just didn't understand why he hadn't been truthful about it.

To be continued...