Dating Chronciles # 7, part 2

I didn't hear from James that night; I was depressed and furious at the same time. I even woke up feeling angry. I was a stupid foolish girl. I went in thinking that I could handle a no strings attached type of relationship, and realized that there was no way I could...I really liked him. I did force myself out of bed, and put a happy face on, and went about my day.

Around 1030 that night I get a call from James, wondering what I was up to and if I wanted to hang out. A million thoughts went through my head at that moment, yes...no I hate you, I want you, I want to kick your ass, I'm not going to have the sex with him again, I totally want to have sex with him again...In the end, I did go and hang out with James. It was awkward for me, and I was being unusually quiet. I didn't even want to sit too close to him. When he finally picked up on my behavior and asked what was wrong, the water works came running. Yes...I know the nerd girl that I am. Who cries to a boy because he only waved to her...that'd be me! This was our first fight...of many.

What I did learn that night, it that James was sort of stupid when it came to these things. He didn't even realize that he had hurt my feelings. He had been in a rush, and thought that a wave was enough. Mort importantly, I learned about the importance of communication. James is the one who really helped me in this area. He would sit up hours with me just to get me to open up and talk. He was actually concerned about my thoughts, feelings, and wanted to be there for me.

It was still in limbo as to what we were to each other. He was still close to his ex (she was at home student teaching) and didn't know if he was ready to be in another relationship (RED FLAG). So, I being a dumb naive girl still hung around him all the time. My first semester of college was full of confusion and heartache. I'd somehow managed to fall completely in love with James. He would be hot and cold (as far as a relationship would go) but are friendship remained stable. I'm sure I cried myself to sleep on several occasions because of him, but I just couldn't quit him. I would tell myself no, and then the second he'd call me I'd be all goo goo eyed about him. PATHETIC!

Before I knew it, winter break was upon us. My parent's were coming to pick me up at school. James had come over to say bye to me- he was staying at school during break (most of it). My parents come, and James is still in my room. (Side Note) My parents are wonderful people, however there are certain things about them that I do not agree with or like. I'm the baby of the family and I was the first one to go away to school. My parents had a hard time dealing with me being away. My parents are old school Sicilians...let's just say that they FLIPPED out when they saw a black man in my room. When James went to go and shake my father's hand, my father did not shake his hand back. (I didn't even know that till years later- I felt like such an asshole).

The car ride home was a blast...errr. My parent's tired to play it off that they were upset that I would allow a man in my room alone..WTF. I knew that they had a problem with James being black. I can't even describe how I felt towards them...disgust, anger, sadness. How could my own parents be such ignorant fucks?

I didn't hear much from James during break- years later I understood why. I didn't call him, and he didn't call me. I was annoyed, and done with him for real this time. I actually started dating JMR again.

When I got back to school, I was in no real rush to hear from James. I wanted to turn a new leaf; I wasn't drinking anymore, I wanted to focus more on classes, and I was happy dating JMR...who lived in KY. Yea that did not last at all. Somehow, James and I started hanging out again. I think that me dating JMR made James insanely jealous. There was a fire alarm pulled in our building at 3 am (regular occurrence) and JMR was visiting- we just happened to run into James. It looked like he was going to cry.

After that weekend, James and I became inseparable. I spent all my nights with him, all the hot and cold went away- it was just hot. Everything was so nice and wonderful. No more crying myself to sleep, only falling asleep in his arms from exhaustion due to the wonderful sex marathons we have every night. Another great thing about James, he was amazing in bed. My god, orgasm after orgasm. I had never cum from the actual sex before; he would make sure that I did, multiple times in one night! James really encouraged me to explore my sexuality. AKA he taught me how to have the sex! That is pretty much how the rest of the year went. I'm sure we had our differences...I mean just to borrow his chap stick was a huge ordeal for him....lol.

James was a senior, and was graduating that year. He was staying at school for a month just to finish off some stuff, but then he would be moving back home. Lucky for me, home was close to me. I left school, being James' girlfriend. Our friends CD and her boyfriend didn't think that it was going to last very long. Funny, since the whole year, James and I hated on their relationship...

The summer went by quick, and James and I were still going strong. I made random surprise drives to school for some quickies...lol. I was so in love with James. Just thinking about him would bring a smile to my face. He was everything that I had ever wanted. Trust me, we fought...I truly believe that if you don't fight with your boyfriend, then someone is not being true to themselves. You can't agree on everything- there is just no way. It was still every thing I wanted because of the way we handled our fights. we talked about everything....though most of the time James would have to pull it out of me. The fact that he did it is what counts.

CD and her boyfriend were amazed that we were still together, and even more amazed that James would come visit me almost every single weekend. I'd go home sometimes; that was always interesting, since he lived with his mother. Got to love basement sex on the couch...

He started talking about moving to Georgia; he had family down there, and had possibility at a good job down there. I didn't really think that much about it; I just didn't think that he would go. Come October, I was starting to worry that he was going to be leaving.

The first break up

It was October of 2001 a group of us decided to head to Great America for October Fest. I was so excited, this was going to be our first time spending the night together in a hotel...I'm a nerd I know. The whole day was so much fun, he seemed like his normal self. I was blissfully happy (I have a huge obsession with Great America)! That night, James' behavior changes, he is jumpy, can't sit still, and seems preoccupied. He tells me that he has to go downstairs to call his mom. I didn't understand why he had to leave the room to call his mother (Red Flag), but what was I to do. After a half hour of waiting around, I was livid. WTF was he doing, and who the f was he really talking to?

When he comes back up, he asks me to sit down, he sits on the complete opposite side of the room, and he proceeds to tell me that we need to break up...tears falling from my eyes, I couldn't comprehend what or why. He told me that his mom and him had gotten into a fight, and that he needed to break up with me, because he is going to be moving. My world was turning upside down. I didn't know what to do, I was shocked and so pissed off. I didn't believe that he had been talking to his mother. At that point, he tells me that he was leaving. So, James got up and left, he abandoned me, in the middle of the night in the hotel room.

I couldn't sleep that night, I cried uncontrollable, my world was broken and shattered into a million pieces. I was empty and numb. At 530AM I got a call from him. Instead of using a cell phone, he called from a land line. The area code was not his mother's. "Where the F are you" is all I could say. He was at his EX GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE. WTF. RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG. I hung up on him- I was done. He kept calling back and I kept hanging up on him. At that moment, all the love that I had for him vanished, I was a volcano ready to explode...

Somehow, he managed to get it out that he had my meds and he needed to see me. I said FUCK YOU mail them to me you bastard. Apparently, he called his friend, the one who was driving me back to school, and arranged a place to meet us. I couldn't even look him in the eyes. Everything that we had was shattered. I was done...

To be continued...