Little Sicily Shares All...

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

A reflective conversastion

This afternoon I had a very interesting conversation with one of my married guy friends. It started through email, regarding an upcoming visit to Chicago with his wife. In said email, he stated that he was going to "lobby for some man time." This is a foreign concept to me...why do you have to lobby for some time with your friends? Shouldn't you just be given time to do what you want? Is that what marriage is, having to ask permission to hang out with friends?

That doesn't make sense to me, though you may have a partner, does that take away from all your personal freedom? I understand that certain things are a no no, but hanging out with a friend, something as simple as that, does your significant other really have a say in that? (I understand if you have prior plans to do something else) To me, that is controlling and who wants to be in a controlling relationship? Shouldn't there be love and trust in a relationship? Won't resentment start to grow since you are putting your wants and needs aside for your partner? It should be a give and take in my opinion.

I know that all people and relationships are different, and that I also am not the typical female. In my relationships, I have always encouraged my guy to go out with his friends, because I want my girl time. It it normal for people to ask their significant other if they can do something? Is that why my past relationships have failed?

I think that marriage is a balance, I get that you shouldn't go wild and crazy, and that sometimes, you can't always get to do what you want. I'm not completely naive to the concept of a relationship...I realized that I have ill and negative feelings toward marriage right now. I don't think that I am bitter, more so just a realist. I question if the whole concept of marriage is even possible...seeing the marriages of both of my sister's fall apart has surely added to this.

I still want to hold on to the belief that two people can meet, fall in love, and continue to love each other day after day, year after year no matter what. I do still want to believe in the art of compromise and sacrifice to make a marriage work. I really do want to believe that two people can be honest, loyal, and faithful to each other. With that in mind, I have decided to focus on keeping my eyes open to the possibility that does still exist...I will use my parents as a focal point. After 35 years of marriage they still love each other and love to be around each other. Sure they fought and will fight in the future, and they annoy each other, but through it all they have stayed at each other's side. If my parents can do it, then the possibility still exist and I will have to actively stop thinking negative thoughts towards marriage.

So, I guess it is not such a horrible thing to ask your significant other what's going on for the day...make sure that they don't need you to do anything for them, or have ill feelings towards you hanging with certain people or at certain places. More so just to be considerate of their feelings, and not for permission.

Monday, September 21, 2009

The waiting game

It always amazes me that in my office they do server reboots doing working hours. "All programs must be shut down by Noon. You will be able to sign back on by 12:30. The internet will not be affected by the server reboot." It is now 1Pm and the programs I need are still not working. Why don't they do this after work? Well, this will give me a chance to write- guilt free!

On Saturday, I went to a wine tasting...Lynfred Winery in Roselle, Illinois. I was able to sample 6 wines for only $9. My cousin invited me for one of her friend's birthday. I figured why not...little did I know that it would be 5 couples and me. I'm not sure if I would of gone had I known before. I can honestly say that I have never been in the situation before. 1. because I always seem to have a boyfriend and 2. because had I know I would not of gone.

It was sort of interesting to watch all the couples...just to observe their know when they think that no one is watching. I think it is fun sit to sit back and watch. The cute things that they do, or the rolling of the eyes, the I'm going to kick your ass look if you son't shut up. All very funny. I think that you learn alot about a person by just watching I'm not a creepy stalker. It was just easier for me to pay attention to other people's behavior, since I didn't have someone to pay attention to.

I started to get annoyed, when the conversastion turned to me, and who they could set me up we really need to go there? I'm not really wanting to be set up- I'm good just being me right now. I attempted to explain this to them (most of these people just meeting for the first time on Saturday) that I have had a boyfriend since I hit puberty, and I'm good just being me for now- they didn't seem to understand that concept.

This weekend, I realized that I really need to focus on my life and what I want. I just need to figure that out. I have time...

In the meantime though- I need to start going back to the gym regularly...2 times a week will not cut it. I signed up for days to take my test (insurance classes), so I hope that will get me to work on that...I was doing so good up to chapter 3...hahaha.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

On Life

When life throws you lemons, make some fucking lemonade and make sure to add the alcohol!!!
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