Little Sicily Shares All...

Friday, June 26, 2009

Rest in Peace

On Thursday, June 25, 2009 The King of Pop, Michael Jackson, died of cardiac arrest at the young age of 50. His music and talent will never be forgotten.

May he rest in peace.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I feel my head getting bigger and bigger

I feel so special...I have received the following awards:
From Jeney and Kylie

From The Black Tulip

From Kylie

Also from Kylie

And once again from Kylie....thanks!!!!

All of these awards come with rules...
First, I want to say thank you to all of my readers; I appreciate all comments and blog love. Also, thank you all for writing such wonderful blogs and sharing your thoughts, dreams, and lives with us all. I think that we all learn alot about each other, and life in general by writing/reading each other's blogs. It also makes for a very entertaining work day!
I will share some random facts now, in accordance to the "rules"
  1. I played soccer for 11 years of my life. I was obsessed with it, I'd play all seasons, and on multiple teams at the same time. I started when I was 5, I was put on a boys team, because they thought that Dani was a boys name. It turned out that I loved playing on boys teams, and I played on them until I was in high school. Playing with boys made me more aggressive, faster, and stronger- I had something to prove to each and everyone of them. I was so aggressive, that my coach told me to play more gentle, like a ballerina...I WAS NEVER A BALLERINA. I quit soccer to work at Nordstrom...I'm shallow I picked $$$$ over sports. I wish that I had never quit and that I would have played in college instead of joining a soHOrity.

  2. Anal sex scares me...I won't partake in it. I thought about this because I was thinking about my girl would always talk about anal sex. I mean the details and all- gross. My ass hurts just thinking about it.

  3. I have not bought anything made in China since I blogged about on June 4. I check all labels and finding things is more difficult, but I'm going well with it. It has actually helped me to save money too- since almost everything is made there- not as many options.

  4. The most perfect date for me would be: going to a nice dinner where we dine alfresco, drinking a nicely chilled red wine, great conversation, lots of laughing, eating off each other's plates. Followed by a nice walk where we hold hands and there is pretty scenery.
  5. I love Vera Bradley; I was super sad/disappointed when I discovered that her stuff is made in China.
  6. I have boycotted Oberweis since 1999.
  7. I am the worst speller known to man, if not for spell check I'd be SOL.
  8. All the light bulbs in my condo are compact florescent, in hopes that I can save our planet, one light bulb at a time.

    Now I would like to pass on these awards to others:

The Girl


M. J.


Children of the 90's


Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The why is it not even 11:30? blog

I woke up this morning so sleepy, but I dragged myself out of bed at 4:30Am, put on my workout clothes, and made my way to the gym. This is the 4th week that I have been getting up at the crack of dawn to make it to the gym in the AM. For the most part I love it! It is an excellent way to start the day! I also love how empty the gym is in the morning; I feel like I have the whole place to myself.

I feel like my days all run into each other, and I'm not really doing much of anything. I can't believe that it is already June least the summer weather has finally arrived...sunny and 90. Got to love it!

I started reading A million Little Pieces by James Frey. It has been a while since I've read a book- I love reading, but haven't made enough time to read lately. The book is about James, who is an alcoholic and drug addict in a rehab clinic. I love reading about other people's lives probably explains why I read so many blogs...hahaha. The stories that he tells in the book (whether they all happened to him or not) are incredible and crazy and frustrating all at the same time. I don't know any alcoholics so I'm just amazed that people can actually function and live as they do.

I'm just hoping that he is able to recover and stay sober. I love having a happy ending, love reading about people overcoming and succeeding- gives me hope and faith in mankind.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Dating Chronicles # 7, part 4

The saga between James and I did not end there. We were broken up, but he never stopped being part of my life. The second that I broke up with the new boyfriend, we we were back to talking almost everyday. He was the person that I went to- he knew me the best.

Once I did find out that he was dating Olga, I was crushed...more so because he was moving to Texas with her. I wondered how, if we had been such great friends all along, he could keep something that important from me.

Eventually, I found another boyfriend and then he moved in, and then we got engaged, and then it ended (that'll be another blog). My friendship with James always remained constant.

Over 2 years after James and I official broke up, I received a devastating phone call...from Olga. James had cheated on her with an old friend from out of state. Her life was in shambles, and she turned to me for advise. Funny, in that very conversation I learned that her and James started dating in May of 04...yes for over a year, James had been dating the both of us. When I found out, it was like breaking up with him all over again. Even though I was engaged to another man, my world was shattered. I tired to be strong, pretend I didn't care because that is what I do. I hate showing emotions...until I've dealt with it on my own- usually comes way later.

I was able to look past James' indiscretions and continue a friendship with him. I know crazy right? I did, because of how he shaped my life. When I was in college, James kept me together. He was my best friend, my mentor, and my lover. I know that he is the reason that I tired so hard in school, why I double majored and still graduated in 4 years. The reason why I worked so hard after school and bought a condo at 23. He challenged me and made me a better person. I have so much gratitude for him, that I could never not be friends with him. Trust me, it was not easy for me to forgive him. I was angry and pissed, and did some really stupid shit to attempt to understand why and how people cheat.

I asked James later why he chose her..."she fought for me." In regards to parents and judgments with interracial dating. I was crushed and disappointed in myself. I wanted to fight for him, but I wasn't strong enough to. Olga was able to do what I hadn't been able to. I wanted to go back in time.

James and Olga recently got married...I was invited to the wedding, but didn't go.

I know that James and I will always maintain some type of friendship. The lessons I learned from our relationship will stay with me for a lifetime.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Dating Chronicles # 7, part 3

With the meds, James also wrote me a letter, told me he loved me, and that he was sorry. With in a few weeks, we were back together. His excuse was that he drove home, got into a huge fight with his mother, and that he couldn't stay, so he went to his ex's house. I was a silly naive girl, who was in love, of course I would believe this story.

In January, James packed up and moved to Georgia. I was devastated, but we were going to make it work. We loved each other, and distance could not come between us. It was a difficult time for me, but I believed in our love and that is what kept me devoted to James. We would spend hours on the phone a day, emails, love letters, for 3 months that is all we had. I missed James so much, but I knew that I was supposed to be with him. Never once did I question his love or devotion to me.

In April, I made my first of many visits to Georgia to visit James. Lucky for me, Bloomington Airport had cheap non stop fights to Atlanta...thanks AirTran! I t was so wonderful to see him again; i felt full filled again, I was in pure bliss. I wanted to stay with him there forever, only, I knew that I needed to finish school. My parents didn't really know that I was dating, so they had no idea that I had jumped on a plan to go see him. My mother knew that we had dated, but when he moved, she just thought it would end.

When she did find out that we still were dating, I realized nothing but negativity from her. She would constantly threaten me- they would stop paying for my college, they would disown wore on me. It still didn't matter to me, I was in love and nothing would change that.

For the next 2 years, James and I would go back and forth visiting each other. I stayed at school during the summers, so my parents wouldn't find out. Our relationship was difficult, but I loved him with all my heart and he was all that I wanted. There were so many days when just getting out of bed was too difficult.

My senior year of college have arrived. I still loved James, but it was getting much harder on us. I started drinking again and was making up for lost time. I got drunk at a few parties and made out with some never got past kissing, and I told James right away. I was lonely, I wanted to have someone around all the time, not just a fun filled weekend adventure. I was ready to really be with James. I asked him to move back; he asked about me telling my parents the truth about us. I still couldn't tell them.

We started to go on off/on again breaks through out the year. I dated other people in between, and told James about them. James told me that he went out, but that it wasn't with one particular person...I believed him.

We still saw each other, he would mostly come visit me though (RED FLAG) he never wanted me to visit him. Even when I was dating someone else, I still hung out with James, the other people didn't matter as much. I stilled loved James as much as I did before. The time line of when we were actually together have blurred, but even when we weren't, I still talked to him multiply times a day, still told him I loved him, and still wanted to be with him. I thought that he felt the same, at least his actions spoke that he did.

My graduation was approaching, I made it clear to James that he was not allowed to come because my family would be there. He was devastated. We fought about this all the time- throughout our whole relationship. He never understood why I wouldn't fight for him. In all honesty, I was just too afraid to stand up to my parents. I think that I was waiting on him to move back here, to prove to me that he really did love me.

After graduation, I moved back to my parent's house. My mother was all over my case about being with him. James and I fought alot during this time. It was hard for me to make visits to see him, because what would I tell my parents. He did come up a few times- I noticed that he was distant towards me (RED FLAG). I chalked it up to me all of our fighting. He also received phone calls from "some chick from work" (RED FLAG).

The "some chick from work" changed into his friend Olga from work. I, being naive and still in love, trusted him. When he told me that she was hanging out with his mother RED FLAG RED FLAG (who had moved to GA) I should of questioned it more. When she bought him extravagant presents....I should of known.

I officially called it quits in April of 05; I couldn't handle it anymore. I still loved him, but I couldn't handle the distance anymore. He wasn't moving here, and I wasn't moving there. I still talked to him on a daily basis and still expressed my love for him. We still sent each other gifts and cards. I always felt so special when he would send me flowers at the office.

In June, I started dating another guy seriously. I told James, and he told me he was going to come visit in July. I remember hanging out with James, we were in his hotel room, he had me up against the wall, telling me that he still wanted to be with me, that we could do it, that we should be together. I wanted him, but I knew that we'd end up in the same place. When he attempted to kiss me, I pushed him away.

That was the last time that I saw James for 3 years; If I would of known then, I probably would have kissed back. I was in a new relationship, and I thought that the new guy was really nice.

Eventually, are daily talking slowed; I had moved on. I was too busy, and frankly talking to him hurt, because I loved him so much. The new boyfriend also demanded that I stop talking to him.

I asked James several times if he was dating anyone, and he always told me no. I had a feeling that he was with Olga, but he would never admit it to me. I actually found out that he was with Olga through myspace; in 06- when he was moving to Texas with her. I was stunned and a little hurt, but at this point, I was already in even other relationship. It didn't matter to me. I just didn't understand why he hadn't been truthful about it.

To be continued...

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Dating Chronciles # 7, part 2

I didn't hear from James that night; I was depressed and furious at the same time. I even woke up feeling angry. I was a stupid foolish girl. I went in thinking that I could handle a no strings attached type of relationship, and realized that there was no way I could...I really liked him. I did force myself out of bed, and put a happy face on, and went about my day.

Around 1030 that night I get a call from James, wondering what I was up to and if I wanted to hang out. A million thoughts went through my head at that moment, I hate you, I want you, I want to kick your ass, I'm not going to have the sex with him again, I totally want to have sex with him again...In the end, I did go and hang out with James. It was awkward for me, and I was being unusually quiet. I didn't even want to sit too close to him. When he finally picked up on my behavior and asked what was wrong, the water works came running. Yes...I know the nerd girl that I am. Who cries to a boy because he only waved to her...that'd be me! This was our first fight...of many.

What I did learn that night, it that James was sort of stupid when it came to these things. He didn't even realize that he had hurt my feelings. He had been in a rush, and thought that a wave was enough. Mort importantly, I learned about the importance of communication. James is the one who really helped me in this area. He would sit up hours with me just to get me to open up and talk. He was actually concerned about my thoughts, feelings, and wanted to be there for me.

It was still in limbo as to what we were to each other. He was still close to his ex (she was at home student teaching) and didn't know if he was ready to be in another relationship (RED FLAG). So, I being a dumb naive girl still hung around him all the time. My first semester of college was full of confusion and heartache. I'd somehow managed to fall completely in love with James. He would be hot and cold (as far as a relationship would go) but are friendship remained stable. I'm sure I cried myself to sleep on several occasions because of him, but I just couldn't quit him. I would tell myself no, and then the second he'd call me I'd be all goo goo eyed about him. PATHETIC!

Before I knew it, winter break was upon us. My parent's were coming to pick me up at school. James had come over to say bye to me- he was staying at school during break (most of it). My parents come, and James is still in my room. (Side Note) My parents are wonderful people, however there are certain things about them that I do not agree with or like. I'm the baby of the family and I was the first one to go away to school. My parents had a hard time dealing with me being away. My parents are old school Sicilians...let's just say that they FLIPPED out when they saw a black man in my room. When James went to go and shake my father's hand, my father did not shake his hand back. (I didn't even know that till years later- I felt like such an asshole).

The car ride home was a blast...errr. My parent's tired to play it off that they were upset that I would allow a man in my room alone..WTF. I knew that they had a problem with James being black. I can't even describe how I felt towards them...disgust, anger, sadness. How could my own parents be such ignorant fucks?

I didn't hear much from James during break- years later I understood why. I didn't call him, and he didn't call me. I was annoyed, and done with him for real this time. I actually started dating JMR again.

When I got back to school, I was in no real rush to hear from James. I wanted to turn a new leaf; I wasn't drinking anymore, I wanted to focus more on classes, and I was happy dating JMR...who lived in KY. Yea that did not last at all. Somehow, James and I started hanging out again. I think that me dating JMR made James insanely jealous. There was a fire alarm pulled in our building at 3 am (regular occurrence) and JMR was visiting- we just happened to run into James. It looked like he was going to cry.

After that weekend, James and I became inseparable. I spent all my nights with him, all the hot and cold went away- it was just hot. Everything was so nice and wonderful. No more crying myself to sleep, only falling asleep in his arms from exhaustion due to the wonderful sex marathons we have every night. Another great thing about James, he was amazing in bed. My god, orgasm after orgasm. I had never cum from the actual sex before; he would make sure that I did, multiple times in one night! James really encouraged me to explore my sexuality. AKA he taught me how to have the sex! That is pretty much how the rest of the year went. I'm sure we had our differences...I mean just to borrow his chap stick was a huge ordeal for

James was a senior, and was graduating that year. He was staying at school for a month just to finish off some stuff, but then he would be moving back home. Lucky for me, home was close to me. I left school, being James' girlfriend. Our friends CD and her boyfriend didn't think that it was going to last very long. Funny, since the whole year, James and I hated on their relationship...

The summer went by quick, and James and I were still going strong. I made random surprise drives to school for some I was so in love with James. Just thinking about him would bring a smile to my face. He was everything that I had ever wanted. Trust me, we fought...I truly believe that if you don't fight with your boyfriend, then someone is not being true to themselves. You can't agree on everything- there is just no way. It was still every thing I wanted because of the way we handled our fights. we talked about everything....though most of the time James would have to pull it out of me. The fact that he did it is what counts.

CD and her boyfriend were amazed that we were still together, and even more amazed that James would come visit me almost every single weekend. I'd go home sometimes; that was always interesting, since he lived with his mother. Got to love basement sex on the couch...

He started talking about moving to Georgia; he had family down there, and had possibility at a good job down there. I didn't really think that much about it; I just didn't think that he would go. Come October, I was starting to worry that he was going to be leaving.

The first break up

It was October of 2001 a group of us decided to head to Great America for October Fest. I was so excited, this was going to be our first time spending the night together in a hotel...I'm a nerd I know. The whole day was so much fun, he seemed like his normal self. I was blissfully happy (I have a huge obsession with Great America)! That night, James' behavior changes, he is jumpy, can't sit still, and seems preoccupied. He tells me that he has to go downstairs to call his mom. I didn't understand why he had to leave the room to call his mother (Red Flag), but what was I to do. After a half hour of waiting around, I was livid. WTF was he doing, and who the f was he really talking to?

When he comes back up, he asks me to sit down, he sits on the complete opposite side of the room, and he proceeds to tell me that we need to break up...tears falling from my eyes, I couldn't comprehend what or why. He told me that his mom and him had gotten into a fight, and that he needed to break up with me, because he is going to be moving. My world was turning upside down. I didn't know what to do, I was shocked and so pissed off. I didn't believe that he had been talking to his mother. At that point, he tells me that he was leaving. So, James got up and left, he abandoned me, in the middle of the night in the hotel room.

I couldn't sleep that night, I cried uncontrollable, my world was broken and shattered into a million pieces. I was empty and numb. At 530AM I got a call from him. Instead of using a cell phone, he called from a land line. The area code was not his mother's. "Where the F are you" is all I could say. He was at his EX GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE. WTF. RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG. I hung up on him- I was done. He kept calling back and I kept hanging up on him. At that moment, all the love that I had for him vanished, I was a volcano ready to explode...

Somehow, he managed to get it out that he had my meds and he needed to see me. I said FUCK YOU mail them to me you bastard. Apparently, he called his friend, the one who was driving me back to school, and arranged a place to meet us. I couldn't even look him in the eyes. Everything that we had was shattered. I was done...

To be continued...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Dating Chronicles # 7, the reason I double majored and hate the state of GA

The first time I met James was at my college orientation. My friend CD was friends with a soon to be a senior who just happened to have a party that weekend. So CD, Jes, and I decided to ditch out on all the orientation socials, and go to a real college party! James was the Dj, sitting in a dark corner of the room, playing some great tunes. I remember being introduced to him, but that is about it. I was more focused on being super drunk and dancing all over Jes.

The next several times I met James were all very similar...I was super drunk and dancing all over someone. Jes and I had broken up by this point. I'm not too sure when it happened, but I opened my eyes and there he was; James, this dark and handsome guy. He was quiet and mysterious, and I wanted to know all about him. So what do I do....focus all of my drunk attention on him.
Since I'm blessed with a nice booty, I used that to my advantage. Everyone knows that black men love the booty. We would go dancing, and I would put the moves on makes me laugh just thinking about it. I remember this one night in particular...we went to some house party. It was our Thursday night place to be (until the house caught on fire, sad day). They had astronaut this day I'm not too sure what it actually was, but it was wonderfully delicious and got me nice and drunk! We were dancing, and all of a sudden, I thought to steal his hat...oh my...I put on a little show with that hat for sure. Next thing I know, is that we ditched our friends, and we were sitting on some nasty couch on the side of the house (yes it was outside). I was trying my best at getting him to kiss me, but it was not working. You would think that would be sign enough for me to back away, but no...I went at it even harder.

I don't know if this was still in the same night, or another night of drunken foolishness, but I remember going into the bathroom with CD, and the two of us plotting about how we were going to start making out with the boys at the same time. Yes, we actually did that, and yes, I finally got my first kiss from James.

Some where in all of this, I learned that James lived in my building. I would randomly run into him in the lobby and I always wondered what he was doing there. After several occurrences, I finally figured it out...this was going to work out to my advantage. How you may ask? Well, James was not always all about going out- he worked, he studied, and he was tired. When he didn't come out and play, I would surprise visit him after! The first time I called him and told him I was outside his door, he didn't understand why I would show up unannounced or uninvited...yeah he got used to that real quick.

So much in fact, that he started inviting me over (when sober). James and I would have awesome conversations...ok wait let me re-phrase that. James would talk...a lot; and I would listen intently. I loved listening to him talk; he was so wise for his age, so knowledgeable. I was extremely attracted to him, everything about him. His voice alone would have me creaming in my panties.

At some point, our talks would turn into us making out. I remember the first time I touched his d...holy crap! I was amazed at how wonderfully large it was compared to all the other ds I'd touched. I was in heaven...
At this point, I liked James, but I wasn't really looking for a relationship. It was the beginning of the school year, and I was a freshman...there was so many people to meet, and so much to do. I was looking for someone to distract me from Jes, and James did that really well. I was thinking that James would be a great friend with benefits. I was talking to and hanging out with other boys at this time. We were friends, and we made out, that was all.

Before I knew it, I was craving the sex. James was the only one that I felt close enough to want to have the sex with; and so I tired. James, however, had too many freaking rules. I had to be sober and I had to be 18. (I was so smart that I skipped preschool and went right to kindergarten; I've been a year younger then everyone else all along -really sucked when I was 20). I really only had a few weeks left, but it seemed like forever away.

Finally October 1, 2000 finally rolls around...I'm 18!!!! At this point, James and I had each others schedule down pretty well. We would get all of our stuff done, and I would go to his dorm around 10ish. He had a single and I lived in a triple. The first time that James and I had sex was amazing; I can still remember the way it felt, the way it made me feel, looking into his eyes, feeling him inside of me. He was so soft and gentle. He knew just what I wanted and when and how I wanted it. He was vocal really surprised me, and made it so much better. Remember, I had only had 1 previous partner, James was well experienced.

I fell asleep in James' arms that night a confused girl. What I had just experienced with James was more then two friends hooking up; to me, it was two lovers expressing their love and devotion to each other. I didn't understand why James would go into his closet and shut the door to get dressed, or why he was getting dressed in the first place. Didn't people sleep naked after that? I thought that maybe he wanted me to leave, but when I asked he told me no...he just liked to be clean...I was confused more so internally- how could I sleep with a man I wasn't dating, what will this mean for our friendship, what does he think about me, did I suck? Does he think that we are more then friends now? Do I want to be more then friends with him?

The next morning, we woke up and James walked me to up to my dorm room. I thought it was the sweetest thing, and then he kissed me. I freaked out (not at him) internally all over again. I needed to talk to a best friend and pronto. I called KC the first words out of my guess what I did last night? Somehow, she knew exactly what I had done. We have had many of these conversations since. I gave her details and then asked what she thought. When I told her about how he walked me up to my room and then kissed me...her response was "oh shit he totally wants a relationship."

All day I walked around on a mixture of cloud 9 and doom...what had I done? The Catholic guilt was building inside of me. After a dazed day of class, I was walking in the quad towards my building. I saw James up ahead, walking towards me. I was excited and nervous and didn't really know what he was going to do. A hug, a kiss, maybe just a short little chat? I was dumbfounded, when all I got was a wave. He didn't even have the courtesy to stop and chat for a minute. I was crushed, and felt like a complete fool. The whole day I spent thinking about him, for what. He didn't care about me- all he wanted was to get laid. I went back to my dorm and cried myself to sleep. It was at that moment, that I realized how much I cared about James. How I did want a relationship with him, and how I couldn't just be friends with him.

To be continued...

Saturday, June 13, 2009

I bought make up!

On Thursday night I went to a Mary Kay party with JD and one of our coworkers. Before going, we went out for dinner and drinks; all I'll say is Strawberry Mojitos rock!

I was a little nervous about the Mary Kay party- I don't wear makeup, and my last experience with Mary Kay was in 7th grade when my friend Margaret won a free Mary Kay makeover for a group of us. At that party, the Mary Kay lady made me wear ORANGE lipstick...i was turned off from Mary Kay for what I thought would be a lifetime.

I agreed to go to this little party because I try to be a nice person. I was super surprised, when I realized that I actually was having fun trying on make up. I'm not really one to wear make up. Recently I did decide that I could handle lip gloss. Thursday was a whole other ball game. I had on foundation- which I refuse to wear...makes me feel claustrophobic. Then there was mascara, eye liner, eye shadow, and blush. I learned that I have no clue how to apply makeup...I looked like I had a black eye. Mary Kay lady came over and fixed me it was fun, but silver, navy, and metallic- I'm not ready for that at all.

This is what I ended up with:

I'm really excited about it, i just hope that I can figure out how the hell to apply it. Practice makes perfect I guess?

I did want to mention that I was impressed by Mary Kay. They are a very "green" company. All of their packaging is recyclable. The compact that I bought can be reused, the eye shadows are held in place by magnetic force. I was very happy when I found out that even their packing bubbles are made from rice and paper, so they are biodegradable with water. Most of their products are made in the USA or Canada. The eye shadows are made in Italy...livable wages paid to employees. Not to mention that they are all about the encouragement of women entrepreneurs. I learned that a consultant receives 40% of the products sold.

I was just happy to see that there is a good company out there who cares about the environment and the well being of people.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

For the love of Spinach Wraps

Once upon a time, I told myself that I was going to give up Starbucks. I lasted for a few months, making my own Skinny Carmel Latte and bringing in my own breakfast from home. One day, I woke up late and decided that once in a blue moon wouldn't be too terrible...yea right. I never make my own lattes anymore. Boiling milk in a pan in the morning is just too much work. Going to Starbucks, placing my order, giving cash, and waiting is just so much easier.

Not to mention that I LOVE LOVE LOVE their spinach feta wraps! They are so delicious. How can you go wrong with a multi grain flatwrap, spinach, egg, feta, and sun dried tomatoes...this is heaven on earth! The wrap is also only 4 weight watchers points! Delicious and can I turn my back on that?

I have been cooking dinner at home more often; I actually really enjoy cooking. Especially when I can cook for others. Sometimes it just doesn't seem worth it to prepare a nice meal for myself only. Lucky for me, I've had someone to cook for! Maybe it's the crazy Italian in me. My mother loves to cook as well, and is so good at it. I aspire to be as good of a cook as my mommy! Practice makes perfect right? So I shall just keep on cooking!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Quote of the day

"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop."


I found this quote and was very excited, because it relates to my life right now. I have been trying to make something work, and it is very slow moving. I have thought several times that I was just going to give up, and stop trying. I never did, and at this point, I am so happy that I didn't. I believe that things will get better, and that my persistence will pay off in the end.

I like this quote because it is so simple and profound at the same time. Working slowly towards your goals is the best bet. If you take on too much too fast, the chances of obtaining what you want are weak. If you move slow, pay attention to detail, and keep up with something the chances are much greater. You just have to keep on going...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Dating Chronicles # 6, Part 2

After one night of flirting with Jes, I wanted more. How had I been so blind before? He was handsome, fun, kind, caring, and loved being goofy. I think that it was that night that I decided I was going to date this boy. A few days later I had my opportunity. He had asked me to hang out with him (just us two) before in the summer, but I always had plans. One night my girlfriends were going to go hang out with expressway boys, and I refused to go, so I called up Jes and asked if he wanted to hang out. That was the start of it. I hung out with that boy almost every single day after that for over a year.

I still remember all the details of our first date. My hair was up in pigtail little balls, I was wearing dark flare jeans, flipped up because they were way to long on me, a colorful shirt that had 3/4 length sleeves. I thought that I looked adorable...Jes also looked adorable; he was wearing a t shirt and jeans. We went to the park and walked around, sat under a tree and giggled some, he pushed me on the swings. It was so cute and fun, just writing about it brings back the happy warm feelings that I had that evening.

After the park, we went back to his house. He gave me a tour, and we headed to the basement. Before I knew it, we were on the floor making out...I was his first kiss. When our first kiss ended he said "I can't believe I waited 17 years to do that!" It was the cutest thing ever. Ahh the innocence. He moved fast- by the end of the night he was already going up my shirt.

Jes will go down in history as one of my most favorite boyfriends. We would hang out together all the time, and we just had so much fun. We would make up dances to favorite was Mr. Roboto. He came to all my family holidays, we both worked at the mall (different stores) and would meet up for dinner breaks, we'd do everything together.

His best friend Norm, would hang out with us all the time too. They were attached at the hip. I told Jes that he could move into my locker, next thing I know, Norm is also using my locker. Let me tell you, getting my books out was such a bitch! Norm lived down the street from me, so when Jes came over Norm would too. Many an afternoon would be spent with those two chasing me around my house and my mom yelling at them to be nice to her baby....Oh and Norm also got a job at the mall- so he'd meet us for dinner too...

I remember nights at work when I would just think about how after work, I would be hanging out with Jes, and he would hold me. I craved his touch. Knowing that I would be in his arms after work is what helped me get through it. I worked @ the B.P. (Nordstrom Jr. Department). Dealing with the snotty customers and my coworkers was tough at times.

For his 18th birthday, I decided that I was going to give him the best gift of!!! That's right, Jes was the boy who took away my virginity. I was 17 years old and ready for the sex. We were at his house, in his room- his parents didn't care that we would lock ourselves in his room. I don't remember all the details...I remember that the first time it was over 3 seconds after he stuck it in, but a few minutes later he did redeem himself.

We dated for a little over a year...and it was one of the best years of my life. It was an action packed adventure. We went to homecoming, turnabout, and prom together. I remember we took a little day trip to the city...went on dates all them time (Norm tagged along for some), we'd lay around together. It was my first experience in a "real relationship" only we were still kids.

We had ups and downs during the course of our year together. People get annoyed with each other, and they fight- that is only natural. I hated one of his friends, Bittles. I thought that he was the biggest asshole on the face of the earth. Everything about him sucked. Jes and Bittles started getting closer and closer to each other, and Bittles's personality started to rub off on Jes. I loathe cocky bastards who think that they are the shit- that was Bittles. I saw Jes becoming more and more like him. To say the least, it caused tons of fights between us.

I'm not perfect either...I would make plans for us with out asking and just expect him to want to do it. I would tell my girlfriends that we could drive them places, with out asking. He was also mad at me because he said that I had tried to change him. I would buy him clothes that were not his style (he was a t shirt and jeans kind of boy) I bought him dress shirts. Though he told me he loved them and looked damn sharp in them, all of a sudden I was the devil. We would talk through our fights and issues and then...hehehe it would be make up time!

College was shortly coming, I had already gotten into ISU and Jes's with procrastination he still hadn't even applied to schools. Lucky for him, he was a brain child and could get in where ever he wanted. He decided that he was going to go to ISU too...I was so happy!!! His father (who is super handsome and I had a semi crush on) told him that it was a bad idea to follow his girlfriend to college, but Jes didn't listen. So Jes and I were set to go to school together- I thought it was going to be the time of our lives.

We went to our orientation together and were able to get a piece of the good life early! Somehow, my designated roomie met Jes's and they wanted to hook up for the night. That was the first, and sadly, the only college sleepover that we had. It was an interesting one to say the least...I ended up in the boy's bathroom, half naked, with a burning eye...use your imagination please.

A few weeks before we were leaving for school, Jes broke up with me. He had been acting strangely, not really wanting to hang out alone, not wanting to make plans too far in advance, meeting me places instead of picking me up. I didn't really think anything of it, my cousin from Italy was in town, and I just didn't make the connection. I remember the break up. He were sitting in the back seat of his parent's mini van at the park. I thought that we were going to get it on...funny how life works! He told me that he wanted to break up, that I was the only girl he ever dated, ever kissed, ever loved, and ever slept with. He told me that he wished that he would have met me later on in life. I was broken. Tears could not stop coming down my eyes. We sat in his car for hours, crying and holding each other. It was the saddest day of my life at that point.

I couldn't function for the next several days. I tried going to work, and all I could do was cry, I went into Target and cried, everything and everyone reminded me of Jes. He was on a family trip to Florida, so I barely talked to him. I thought that my life was over, and he was in sunny Florida. How could he do this to me?

When Jes came back from Florida, we started hanging out again. We weren't dating, though I'm sure I begged him sad and pathetic I know. The day to move to college, arrived. I was so nervous...leaving home for the first time, living with new people I didn't know, in a new place. Move in day was a blur. My sister and Mary, along with my parents helped me move in. I was in shock, wasn't sure what to expect. Saying good bye to them, especially to Mary was so difficult. In the process, Jes called me and said that he was in my building, and wanted to come up. I suddenly felt calm, the nervousness went away.

The first week that we where at school, Jes and I hung out pretty regularly. I do remember one night when I was in his dorm room with my new roomie and he was being such a dick. I didn't understand, but I remember going home that night and crying, and deciding that I was not going to call him anymore. For the most part I didn't; but mutual friends visiting did bring us together. Being at a party with your ex that your still in love with is a bad bad bad idea to say the least. In one night, I managed to make out with Norm, make out with a girl, throw up on a friends shoes, tell a random boy who lived on my floor that I thought he was cute (2 min later he saw me making out with Norm...great...errr). I ended up crying myself to sleep that night.

Jes and I were also lucky enough to have a class together...awkward. It was horrible. I hated going to that class, it was dreaded at all times. I hated that what we had fell apart so quickly. I have lots of embarrassing stories to tell about how I was such a jack ass towards him. Most involve me being drunk and yelling at him. My performance of calling him a "fucking pussy" in my dorm cafeteria sticks out...

I needed to get my mind off of him; stop obsessing about how good it used to be, because he was no longer interested. I needed to find a new distraction...that equals a new boy; lucky for me, there was someone.

Over the next two years, Jes and I barely spoke to each other. While at home, we still had the same group of mutual friends, but I just tried to pretend he wasn't there. It was too hard for me. I still had feelings for him and didn't understand how he could have stopped loving me.

New Years was horrible...I was extremely drunk, crying about him, and laying in a dog cage...yea I was a crazy. I did decide on New Years Day that I was no longer going to helped me in more then one way-that is for sure. For 2 years I stopped drinking because I was ashamed of the way I behaved.

Our junior year of college we started talking a little more. We even hung out a few times. I was in a long distance relationship that was starting to get rocky, but I knew that I would not cheat. Jes had recently discovered that his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I felt bad for him, but was deviously happy that the two of them were no longer together. We had gone to high school with his ex and she was bad news starting from our 2nd year of high school.

In our short span of hanging out again, he called me one night (morning) at 4am...asking if I could pick him up and if he could stay with me the night. Damn sohority house boys allowed to spend the night. Even if that rule was not in tact, I wouldn't have done it...I cared too much about James to hurt him. I did consider it. I told him I would pick him up and drop him off, but he just said sorry for waking me up and that he would walk home. After that, I didn't hear from Jes. I'm sot sure why...I was sad for a little bit, but realized that it wouldn't have turned out how I would of wanted it to anyway. Plus, at that time, I could not imagine my life without James.

We still have a few mutual friends, but I don't really talk to Jes anymore. A few years back, he came to my house (ex fiance was living with me at the time) for a party I threw for Mary...when she was moving to Maryland. It was a little strange for me, but I played it off pretty well. Part of me will also wonder about Jes, he was the boy that I lost my virginity too- you don't forget that. I loved him whole heatedly. From time to time, wish that I would run into somewhere...he lives about 3 minutes away from me, but I haven't. Part of me thinks that it's because I never had my second chance with him. I have recycled so many of my boyfriends, that it is almost unfair to me that I never got the chance with Jes.

I will never forget my time with Jes, or the lessons learned. I'm so happy that I was able to learn and grow from our relationship and everything that occurred after. I will always have bitter sweet memories, because he is the first boy to break my heart...

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Dating Chronicles # 6, the one who broke my heart

August '99 to August '00 Age 16-17 Senior Year

Jes was a good friend of one of my friends. I met him my junior year of high school; I actually had a class with him, but didn't really notice him...I was too busy giving googoo eyes to JMR.

Jes came to a turnabout dance with our group. My best girlfriends and I didn't go to the same high schools, but we'd all go to each other's dances. For this dance, I made KC be my date...I was anti boys at that time.

Jes was being set up with Mary; who really had no interest in going with him, but didn't want to miss out on the dance. Since Mary ditched him the whole dance, I thought it was my duty to step in and make sure that he had a good time. Jes was tall, super skinny, and not friends with any of the boys in our group. They were jerks to him, made fun of him, and acted like asses.

I had fun with Jes that night; it was the first time that I actually had talked to him, and I thought that he was so funny- still thought he was a total nerd, but a fun nerd.

After that night, I would talk to Jes every so often at school, we did have a class together, and since JMR was out of the picture, he wasn't as shy towards me. Summer came, and we would go out together in groups. I never really thought much about it, he was my friend and that was it. I thought that he was funny and cool.

One night, we all went to my friend's house; Jes was coming home from Florida and was coming over to hang out with us girls. He came in the door, and he was a different boy. He looked so handsome, so tan, and his smile was extra cute. That night I paid extra special attention to Jes; and flirted with him like I had never flirted before...

To be continued...

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Just say NO

Spread the word; please avoid buying products Made in China from June 4 to July 4.

While the Chinese, knowingly and intentionally, export inferior and even toxic products and dangerous toys and goods to be sold in American markets, we Americans continue to buy their products. Are we dumb as we appear --- or --- is it that we just do not think?

70% of Americans believe that the trading privileges afforded to the Chinese should be suspended (myself included). Well, duh..why do you need the government to suspend trading privileges? SIMPLY DO IT YOURSELF!! Simply look on the bottom of every product you buy, and if it says 'Made in China ' or 'PRC' (that now includes Hong Kong), simply choose another product, or none at all. You will be amazed at how dependent you are on Chinese products, and you will be equally amazed at what you can do without.

I understand that products made in China are the cheapest out there, and in our difficult economic times, it is the most practical choice. But honestly, think of all the good that you would do if you choose not to. I know it is almost next to impossible to find products that are actually made in the USA, but if you search hard enough- there are some! What really creeps me out is that some of our food is coming from China now. Would you like some cardboard with your chicken?

Not only that, but think about bringing production back into the USA. Think about all the jobs that would create- that would surely help our economy bounce back. Yes, the prices of items would increase, since labor rates are higher in this country, but the products would be safer, and have more regulations. In my opinion, you get what you pay for.

If 200 million Americans refuse to buy just $20 each of Chinese goods, that's a billion dollar trade imbalance resolved in our!! The downside? Some American businesses will feel a temporary pinch from having foreign stockpiles of inventory...WALMART and almost all other stores too...

If everyone partakes for a month, it will hit the Chinese for 1/12th of the total, or 8%, of their American exports. Then they will at least have to ask themselves if the benefits of their arrogance and lawlessness were worth it.

Remember, June 4 to July 4.

I'm really going to try this- I know that it will be super difficult since I am a shopaholic- this actually maybe the way I actually start saving more $$$!!!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Study Ball...aka...borderline abuse

I was listening to the radio this am and they started talking about the Study
Ball. Below is the discription:

"The Study Ball gadget is a prison-style ball and chain that you can program to
keep track of how much time you spend studying. Once you've selected the desired duration,you chain the ball to your ankle and the manacle won't come off until
the schedule study time is up. A red LED indicator displays the "Study Time Left" and keeps you informed as to how much longer you've got to keep studying.The ball and chain are made of highly durable steel and weighs a total of 9.5 kg/20.95 pounds,which makes it difficult to move while wearing it."

All I can say is are you kidding me right now? I think that this is a disgrace. I believe that parent's need to teach their children the importance of homework/studing, and explain to them why it's important to want to learn. Putting a 20 pound weight(which is not even heavy) on a child teaches them nothing. In my opinion it would just make it even worse...who wants to be chained down? That would be more of a distraction then a help.

This seems like a stupid gadet that will allow parents to ignore thier children even more, so that they can go about their own business with the hopes that this "magic" product will save their child. I think that parent's need to help their children more and possibly supervise them? Granted, I don't have any children, so maybe I don't understand. However, I know that my mother helped my sisters and I with homework, quizzed us before test, and explained to us why learning was important. I did all my homework, studied, and passed all my classes.

I was taught at a young age about the importance of respect, and I think that is one of the most important lessions a child should learn. If a child understands that you must respect your elders, they will not be little shit heads to any adults...teachers, coaches, princplies, and the parent. Granted, I was not a perfect child, but I was a good kid; for the most part I did what I was supposed to do, and never got caught doing what I wasn't supposed to. One thing is forsure though, I always treated people with respect. Without that basic element of respect, I think it would have been easier to not do the right thing. For a child that would be...talking back to teachers and parents, not caring about what they are told to do by them, so on and so forth.

This just seems like a cop-out, something that allows parents to point the finger of blame at if their child's grades don't improve. Being a parent is not easy and it is a huge responsiblity- reason why at this point in my life I don't have a child. I just wish that parent's would take more of an active interset in their childes life, instead of chaning them down to do their homework. To me, this is a form of abuse and neglect.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Dating Chronicles # 5 KK and BD- The ones I never dated

1999 Junior Year Age 16

Alittle background detail- my junior year of high school, after JMR and I broke up, I started to hang out with a new crowd of kids; change of scenery if you would. In the new group, there was Mr. Bubbles (I had played soccer with him and had a crush on him back in the day), KK, and BD. Mr. Bubbles was dating my friend, but KK and BD were very cute and very single. So…what does a single girl on the rebound do…flirt and make out like crazy!!!!

KK was tall and thick, he gave the best hugs. He had the cutest face, and was super flirty. I had a mini crush on him. For some reason, we just started making out randomly all the time. In his pool, in his car, his basement, in the bathroom…it never went further than petting. He was not my boyfriend and anything further then petting was crossing the line for me back in the day. I didn’t want rumors to start about me.

I did it because he was cute, I was horny, and I liked his car. He had this green classic car that I just loved. Don’t remember the year make or model, but it was awesome. I felt cool just being around him. Plus, his friends had great parties…ahhh the thought process of a teenager.
BD was a little different, I actually liked him. The first time I met him, I thought that he was a cutie…he was not too tall, but not short, brown hair, brown eyes, olive skin (he was Italian), and I thought he was so funny. I insta liked him. We flirted on and off for awhile, but nothing ever came of it. One day, he asked me on a double date; Mr. Bubbles and my friend and the two of us.

I was super excited, though I played it off as it was no big deal. Our date consisted BD and Mr. Bubbles cooking us dinner. It was the cutest thing ever…he was the first boy to ever cook a meal for me. I appreciated it tons, and thought that things were going really well. I thought that he had potential to be my boyfriend. We somehow ended up in his room and started making out. I can’t remember if he was a good kisser or not, but I do remember having fun. It did not go beyound kissing...though he wanted more to happen.

I was uber surprised the next day when he avoided me like the plague and then had Mr. Bubbles tell me that he didn’t want to date me anymore. I was a little crushed, but all I could say was, who ever told him we were dating- because we never were. 15 minutes later we were friends again. I’m not sure why he didn’t want to date me, but I did get over it quickly, so it was not traumatic in any way.

Not too long after that, we stopped hanging out with their crew. Mr. Bubbles broke it off with my friend because he wanted to date another girl. The friendships all just faded; I don’t miss any of them.
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